Trying to Forget
by ghouladventures
Summary: After Maeve's death, Reid can't handle the pain of her going. So he turns to the one thing he used to forget his emotions. Dilaudid, the drug once given to him from Tobias Hankel when he was kidnapped, he fought his addiction, but the craving was coming back.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer laid on his couch, clutching _The Narrative of John Smith ,_ the book Maeve gave him _,_ in his hands. He tried to block out visions of the bullet going through her skull, the blood spilt on the floor, her lifeless body, but he saw it everywhere. It was causing his excruciating headaches again, as well as the nightmares. Now instead of seeing Riley Jenkens dead in the basement, every time Reid closed his eyes he saw Maeve with a pool of blood underneath her. He was in a constant state of depression, he hadn't read any books or answered a single one of the hundreds of texts and voicemails blowing up his phone by the team. Spencer was extremely exhausted, yet he never slept, it was no use, it always ended up with him waking up screaming and covered in sweat. He survived off coffee and caffeine pills to keep himself awake.

The phone rang loudly, Spencer ignored it and let it go to voicemail, he just wished that people would quit checking on him. Morgan's voice came through the phone, "Hey Reid, it's Derek. Listen, I got a work question for you" he said. Reid sat up, interested in thinking about something else. "The unsub's exsanguinating victims and removing their eyelids ante mortem. Does that mean anything to you? Hit me back." the message stopped. Reid's brain began to work again, he had an idea of what the unsub was trying to achieve through removing the eyelids. He picked up the phone and dialed Morgan.

"What's up Reid?" Morgan said casually, but Reid had a feeling that Morgan had set him up to talk about his feelings.

Reid ignored his doubts, "Have the cornea or pupils been harmed in any way?" He asked Morgan.

"No, no. Blake said it looked like a very sharp instrument was used", Morgan replied, Reid felt relieved to hear that Morgan actually wanted his piece of mind rather than to feel sorry for him.

"If he's taking care not to damage the eyes, then line of sight is probably what's important to him" Reid hypothesized.

"So this guy wants them to see what he's doing." Morgan added on, this is what Reid was thinking too.

There was a pause from Morgan, Reid became nervous. Then Morgan said the last thing Reid wanted to hear, "Hey Reid, how are you?" Morgan said.

Those last three words were enough to send Reid back to that terrible place, the flashbacks of the gunshot, blood, Maeve, it overwhelmed his mind once again. Reid couldn't talk about it, "I gotta go" He told Morgan, even though he had nothing to do, and hung up the phone solemnly.

Spencer was left slightly angry that Morgan had asked him how he was doing, sending him back to a bad place, but he knew Morgan just wanted to see if he was alright. Thinking about the team caring for him brought Reid slight comfort, it lifted 10% of his depressive spirit. He remembered when Garcia and JJ came to his door this morning, asking if he was okay. Garcia had left him something at the door, he decided to check what it is. He opened the door to see a potted plant and a basket of mixed nuts and seeds. Reid let out a slight smile, he thought it was thoughtful of Garcia to give him nuts and seeds because they have magnesium in them, which helps produce serotonin in the brain, the chemical that creates joy. He decided to try working on this case to forget his grief.

Reid opened his laptop and began an e-mail to Anderson, he didn't want to e-mail Garcia, he feared that she wouldn't want him working until he was sure he was okay. But helping the team would get him to forget about his pain. Reid and Anderson weren't very close, so he knew he wouldn't get questions and pity from him.

 _Hey Anderson, could you send me the information you have so far on this case? I want to help out._

After Reid sent the e-mail, he started research by finding the San Francisco murder reports online. Studying the tactics used by the unsub, trying to figure out the killer's motive behind the murders. He received an e-mail back from Anderson, containing the files on the murders and artwork. Eventually coming to a conclusion that the unsub's disposal site was around the mission district, now he needed to find the art galleries in that area. Reid knew he needed the team's help, pushing aside his anxieties, he took a deep breath, dialing Morgan's number.

"What's up, kid?" Morgan asked through the phone. Reid didn't want to let his emotions get to him, so he just reported what he found out about the case.

"If it is about the art, then it's clear the disposal sites are scattered around the mission district area" Reid replied while circling the Mission District on his map.

"Wait a minute how did you know-" Morgan began to ask,

Reid interrupted him, "I had Anderson bring over some of the files"

Morgan paused for a moment before speaking again, "Alright, alright. Hold on a second, let me patch in Garcia" Morgan replied before the phone went on hold. Reid tensed up, he didn't know what Garcia would say. He heard Morgan's voice again.

"Reid" Morgan answered, signaling for him to speak.

Reid continued with the task he wanted her to do, "Garcia, you should pull a list of all the art galleries in San Francisco", he said, sitting down on the couch.

Garcia's voice was laced with concern. "Reid I was just-how are you?" She asked him. The visions and graphic images started to come into view, he knew this would happen. But he was feeling better now that he was focusing on something else, also the nuts he ate while researching were helping.

"Better" he told Garcia, he felt like he wasn't worthless for the first time since Maeve died, and he was grateful for that. "Thank's for asking," he responded, then continued, "And thanks for the baskets. You know, nuts have magnesium, which helps produce-"

"Seretonin, yeah, I know" Garcia interjected, she must have done her research. He could hear the clicks of the keyboard as Garcia typed his request. "Okay, galleries, I got a lot." She said.

"Focus on the mission district" Spencer responded, hanging up the phone. If he kept his focus on his work and research, he would forget about Maeve hopefully. It would be even easier to focus if he was back at the BAU office, so first he needed to clean up and get dressed. He was ready to forget the past and look toward the future, even though the future is not for him to decide.


	2. Chapter 2

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="6447446a2897c769bb6abaebdf13ae34"It had been a week since Reid had returned to the BAU, he wasn't sure he was ready to begin working again, but it was his only way to feel okay. It was the absolute worst feeling when someone asked him if he was doing alright. It would only make him feel worse. So, he went with the simple answer, saying he was fine or doing better, at least it would keep them quiet. He couldn't keep feeling sorry for himself, it was childish and he hated being treated like a child. Reid wanted the others to know that he could handle this by himself. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="90c99ae2cb579e54686b9e843572d8cb"He began to pretend that whenever the BAU saved a victim from death, that victim was Maeve, and they saved her. It made Reid feel better, but it was starting to make him feel worse because that victim wasn't Maeve, and Maeve wasn't coming back. Reid was denying the fact that things weren't getting better with time, in fact, his grief was getting more powerful everyday. Whenever he saw crime scenes, he thought of her, everything surrounding him reminded Spencer of Maeve. Reid tried to sleep whenever he got the chance, because being asleep was an escape from reality. But whenever he drifted off, the horror smacked him in the face and he was jolted awake. This made him extremely exhausted and sleep deprived, which made him worse at his profiling skills. He was losing sight of who he used to be. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="426bd7f96f997f8461d224d1c3b772b1"The rest of the BAU team was noticing what was happening to Reid, and every time they tried to help, he just told them he was fine. He would talk to them, but it wasn't, Reid. It wasn't their Spencer Reid, the boy wonder, shooting out facts and statistics, blowing them away with his knowledge. Reid constantly looked disheveled and tired, with dark under eye circles growing day by day. He would fall asleep at his desk from being too worn out, and nobody bothered to wake him up, because they knew that he needed it. The only time they did is when he would start yelling and struggling in his sleep from the nightmares he would experience. Every day they told Reid he should go home, get rest and take time alone, and every time he refused help or concern. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="107cac403837c213dfb374e6981673dd"In the back of his mind, Reid knew that things would feel better if he injected Diluaidid into his veins, sending him into a happier place. But he had been doing so well with keeping away from it, battling his addiction to it, and he didn't want it to happen again. There was one thing that helped Reid for a few hours though./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="357b52639a961526532e827f18053c80" It was late, and the team was about to get on the jet back home. Morgan tapped Reid on the shoulder, "Reid, I'm not going to ask if you're okay because I know the answer I'll get. Because I know you aren't, if you ever want to talk about this, I will be here for you" Morgan said with sincerity in his speech. Reid was about to speak, but Morgan pulled out a small silver square, once it was flipped over it revealed two blue pills. Reid looked back up at Morgan, "What are these?" He asked. "They're sleeping pills, I thought they might help you get some actual rest, I'm worried about you Reid" Morgan said, trying to hide the emotion in his voice. Reid took the pills from Morgan, "Thanks" he said, and entered the plane. As soon as they got on, he took the pills with a cup of water. Reid wanted the pills to kick in quickly, but he knew they would take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour based on basic sleeping pills. The flight was four hours though, so Reid decided to try talking to Morgan about what he was feeling, maybe it would make him feel better. /p 


	3. Chapter 3

Reid approached Morgan, who was sitting alone, listening to music. Spencer sat in the chair across from him and looked out the window into the night sky, it felt as if they were in outer space. "How's it going kid" Morgan asked, but it wasn't a question anymore. He began to regret his decision once Morgan wouldn't take his stare off of him. "What's going on in that brain of yours" Morgan began the conversation. Reid was hesitant to talk, but he trusted Morgan the most. "I-I can't stop seeing her, it's like everything I see makes me think of her, and it doesn't leave me alone. I can't escape the images of her", Reid blurted out, he felt it was too much information at once. Morgan nodded his head, then spoke again, "What are you doing about it?" He asked, but it sounded calm and understanding, which made Reid feel more comfortable.

"I keep thinking that if I busy myself with work I will forget about her, but that's hard to do when work consists of murders and blood, which only makes me remember" Reid's voice began to crack, "I don't want to remember, I want to forget that this ever happened". Reid admitted, becoming misty eyed. He cleared his throat and looked down, embarrassed at how vulnerable he felt. "Reid, it's okay to cry if you need to, nobody expects you to be over this yet" Morgan said, trying to reassure him. "No it isn't, I should be over it by now but I'm not. Sure, grieving takes time, but it's never this intense for such a long time. I need to move on" Reid snapped, angry with himself. Morgan's answer was simple, "You aren't taking the time to be sad" he explained. Reid looked confused, "Morgan, what are you talking about? I'm sad all the time" he responded. "Maybe so, but you haven't taken the time to acknowledge that you are hurting. You are busy trying to forget everything and move on, but you need to let it out, or it eats away at you like a disease. And I don't want to lose you to it" Morgan stated, never taking his eyes off of Spencer.

Reid was speechless, he wanted to object, and give Morgan another reason that he should be fine, but he couldn't bring himself to disagree. Morgan was right. Reid's bottom lip started to quiver, memories flooded back into his head, good and bad ones, it was like watching a movie. He never got the chance to really know her. A tear streamed down his face, followed by a sniffle. Spencer placed his head in his hands, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Morgan sat down in the seat next to Reid, and embraced his trembling body in a hug. Reid put his head on Morgan's shoulder and let out his sobs, there was no use holding back. His emotions were finally released. "Thank you" Reid whispered through his sniffling, releasing himself from the hug. Morgan placed his hands on Reid's shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes. He was about to speak, but he pulled Reid in and hugged him another time. His actions spoke for him.

Once Spencer was finished crying, Morgan went back to his original seat across from Reid. "I don't expect you to feel better just from that, but hopefully it helped" Morgan told Reid. "I do actually, at least in this moment" Reid said, his eyes growing heavy from the pills he took. He tried to keep a conversation with Morgan, but he couldn't focus, his face was beginning to blur, and his eyes could barely keep themselves open. "I'm tired, I think I'm going to try and sleep" Reid mumbled, getting up from his chair shakily to walk over to the empty couch. Reid laid down on the couch, it took only seconds before he was asleep.

Morgan grabbed a blanket that was stored in the overhead compartment of the plane. He looked down at Reid, who for once in a long time, looked peaceful. He placed the blanket over Reid and returned to his seat, feeling happy to have helped Reid through this, even if it was small.

"Wait!" Spencer yelled. But it was too late, the gun had already been fired. Morgan turned around once he heard Reid mumbling in his sleep, if things got bad he would be there to stop it. Reid started to sob, Maeve was dead. This happened every time he slept and he just wanted it to stop. But this time it was different, "Ried?" He heard from across the room. He looked up, shocked to see Maeve, sitting up from the pool of blood, shocked as well. "B-but your dead?" Spencer was dumbfounded. "I moved my head in time to save myself from the bullet" Maeve said, standing up and walking over. Without saying a word, Maeve gently put her arms on Reid's face, pulling him into a kiss. Reid didn't take time to answer the many questions he had for her, instead, he returned the kisses. Maeve stopped to look Reid in the eyes, she smiled and began to walk to the door. "Where are you going?" Spencer questioned her, nervous that she would be gone forever, just like before. "I'll see you tomorrow" She said, before leaving. Reid awoke with a sharp inhale, he opened his eyes. The jet was light, the window revealing that it was morning. The other members talking amongst each other. "You okay Reid? You look confused" Morgan asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Yeah I'm fine, it's just-" Reid paused, then continued his though "I think Maeve is still alive".


	4. Chapter 4

Morgan didn't know what to say in response to Reid. Maeve was dead, they all saw it happen, they all saw her dead body. How could Reid, of all people, believe that she was alive? "What makes you think that?" Morgan asked him, curious of Reid's reasoning. "We know that she was injured, but what if her heart never stopped beating, she could still be alive" Reid said with hope in his voice. The rest of the team heard what Reid was saying, giving each other confused glances. Reid was silent, his mind was racing, since they buried her body, she would be buried alive, she needed help. "We have to go to her grave" Reid said, standing up from the couch. "No, kid, I know that you miss her, but there's no reasonable explanation for her being alive" Morgan said concerned for Reid. "She wasn't dead when she was buried" Reid answered, he sounded so sure. "Even if that was true, Reid, she would be dead now from lack of oxygen" Hotch added on to the conversation. Reid had ignored what he was told, "We have to help her" Reid said, not taking no for an answer, he sat down, bouncing his leg up and down with anticipation and worry. The plane began to descend to the runway, nobody said anything else, they didn't know how to respond to Reid.

Once they were back in the BAU office, Reid tapped Morgan on the shoulder quickly. "Could you drive me to the cemetery?" Reid asked nervously. Reid could tell by the look on Morgan's face, he wasn't going to drive him, "Kid,-" Morgan began before Reid interrupted him, "Fine, I'll get a taxi" he said, hurt that Morgan wasn't helping him, heading for the door. "Wait" Morgan responded quickly, chasing after Reid. Morgan let out a sigh, he was scared for Reid, and he wasn't about to let him do this alone. "Okay, I'll drive you" he said hesitantly. "Thanks" Reid said, feeling slightly guilty about how he was acting. "We'll be back in about an hour" Morgan announced to the rest of the team. "Where are you going?" Garcia asked, she hadn't been on the plane to hear what was going on. "The cemetery" Reid answered, he was running out of time. He opened the door and hustled to the parking lot. "I'm coming with you" Garcia yelled, waving goodbye to the others before they could object, running after them.

The car ride was awkwardly silent, Garcia still hadn't been informed on the reason they were heading to the cemetery, but she was worried for her boy wonder, she just wanted him to be okay. Morgan parked the car, Reid hopped out as it was still moving, he was in a huge hurry. He ran to Maeve's grave, stopping when he found it. He could hear Maeve, she was screaming, "Help me! I'm not dead! Somebody please!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, banging from the inside of her casket. Reid called back to her, "Don't worry! It's Spencer, I'm here to get you out!", Morgan and Garcia caught up with Reid and stood confused. Reid looked back at them quickly, "One of you dial 911", he commanded with fear in his eyes. When neither Morgan or Garcia dialed, only looked more confused, Reid shot back, "What are you doing?! Maeve is screaming for help and you just stand there?" he yelled, anger rising within him. "Reid, nobody is yelling for help" Garcia said concerned. Reid looked at Garcia, he didn't know what she meant. "Maeve are you still there?" He yelled to the ground. There was no response, Reid slammed his hand on the ground, "Maeve? Maeve!" He repeated, then he heard her voice quietly. "Spencer," she struggled, "What is it Maeve?!" Reid answered, running out of breath. "I love you" her voice choked out, it was barely audible, but it rang through Reid's ears louder than any other sound. "I-I love you too" he replied, his voice beginning to crack. "Goodbye" she cried, before the ground fell silent.

Reid hysterically yelled her name, asked her to talk to him, told her things were going to be okay, but he eventually gave up. Breaking down sobbing that he was too late to save her. Again. The whole time Morgan and Garcia were extremely worried about Reid, he was obviously having some sort of delusion that Maeve was talking back to him. The entire time Reid would "reply" to her, she never gave a response. Morgan slowly bent down to Reid, gently and carefully placing his hand on Reid's back. Reid stopped trembling and crying, "Maeve?" He said before looking up. But when he saw that it was only Morgan he began to sob again. Garcia had tears streaming down her face too, she never liked seeing anybody feel this way, especially her innocent Reid. Morgan helped Reid up and they began walking back to the car slowly. "I couldn't save her, I had a second chance to save her and I failed again" he tried to hold back the tears, "This is all my fault" he wept, continuing to cry even more.


	5. Chapter 5

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b32ba7d6a229700d611eb5028b9a5161"Morgan was trying to hide his fear the best that he could. It was scary to see Reid act this way, he had seen him cry before but never this intensely. But the thing that scared Morgan the most is that Reid thought he heard Maeve calling for him. He knew that Reid was afraid that he would have a schizophrenic break sometime, and Morgan felt like this could be the start of one. He didn't want him to get any worse, or Reid would be like a whole different person. "I think you should take a little time off Reid, okay? I'm going to bring you home" Morgan comforted. Reid objected the request, "No, no it's fine, really, I'll be okay. I just have to focus on work instead" he insisted, but Morgan wouldn't allow it, Reid was in no position to work with more dead bodies and murders right now. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c64b7ef6afe19a9a82118d77531d03eb"They brought Reid back to his apartment. His crying had subsided, but Morgan was worried what Reid would do if left alone. Garcia stayed with Reid, just to make sure he would be okay. Morgan said goodbye and headed back to the BAU. The room was silent, Reid was sitting on the couch, staring at the ground. "How are you doing Reid?" Garcia consoled patiently. Reid just shook his head, he didn't want to talk. Garcia decided to try her best to sound somewhat comforting and helpful. "Reid, I know you won't believe me when I say this, but, things are going to get better, I promise you" she insisted. Reid spoke in a whisper, "Thanks Garcia, but, I just want to be alone right now" he whimpered, laying down on the couch. "Everything will be okay" Garcia added. Sitting back up with misty eyes and a hint of anger in his gaze, he snapped back at Garcia. "Okay? No, things are not okay, and they aren't going to be" he spoke, his self-hatred rising within himself. "It's all my fault, I could have saved her, and I failed to save her the second time" Reid broke down in tears. Before Garcia could speak, Reid smacked his head with his hand in an attempt to punish himself for his actions. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9914d2f5c20a3073d64f8750bb5e2071"He kept on smacking his head in a frenzy of sadness, yelling about how stupid and worthless he was. He was trembling, his breath was heavy and shaky. Garcia leapt into action, sitting next to him and giving him a comforting hug, rubbing his back with her hand, trying to calm him down. "Just breathe, it's okay, I'm here" she sympathized. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b810c09707a34b3c78667e6bf739299b"An hour had passed, Reid seemed much calmer now. He wasn't crying anymore. Garcia's phone rang loudly, "Sorry" she apologized and looked at the text message from Morgan. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e1af9f8520d95ebc43d24108048f6122"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Hey baby girl, I know I want you to stay with Reid but we really need your help with this case. Text me back /em😁/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="33da7347eb7c9b74c26f8249931974d5"Garcia looked up at Reid, who seemed like he was doing fine now. She negotiated the pros and cons of leaving him here while she went to work. She texted back:/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4a6b0e28b5f6d19f8674d21283084c7"em style="box-sizing: border-box;"Reid seems to be doing better, I think it will be fine if he stays alone/em 🙂 em style="box-sizing: border-box;"I'll be there as quick as I can /em😉/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="5561a1c3e6d9b6a2b771cc7c117b4633"Garcia put her phone away and looked to Reid. "Hey Reid?" she asked, "Yeah?" he replied. "Do you think you'll be okay if I head back to work? They need my help over there" she explained. "Of course! I should probably go too, I feel a lot better now" Reid said, getting up from the couch. "Are you sure Reid? I don't know, I feel like you should just stay here" Garcia replied concerned. "Garcia trust me, I feel fine, please take me with you" he begged her. Well, he definitely looked like he was doing better, and having him at work felt more safe than having him alone. Garcia hesitated before giving in, "Sure, yeah you can come" she said. "Okay let me just grab my bag quick, it's in my room" he added, before jogging into his room. Once he was in, he opened his sock drawer, hidden in the back was a little bottle of Diluaidid, with the needle and syringe right next to it. He grabbed it quickly and shoved it into his bag, "Just in case" he thought to himself before he and Garcia left the building. /p 


	6. Chapter 6

Garcia walked into the BAU Office, Reid following by her side as they entered the meeting room. Morgan turned around, he almost looked a bit angry when he saw Reid next to her. "Hey Reid," Morgan greeted him, trying to sound casual, but he was nervous about seeing him here after what had just happened. Reid waved to the rest of the team and grabbed a seat at the circular table, trying to ignore the uncomfortable silence in the room. JJ continued talking about the victims of the newest murders. The victims were women with gunshot wounds. Upon seeing the images, Reid could only see Maeve sitting in a pool of blood. He looked down and fidgeted with his hands. Morgan looked over at Reid, who was trying to look away from the images. Concern began to grow within himself again, "Reid just isn't ready for this", Morgan thought to himself.

Once they left the meeting room, Morgan stopped Reid, who was hastily walking away. "Reid, Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked Reid, who seemed slightly offended by his friends concern. "Morgan, I can still do my job okay? I've already taken enough time off" he snapped back quietly. "I know that kid, but I just want you to be alright, okay? I care about you" Morgan stated firmly. Reid avoided eye contact, he was embarrassed. "I'll be fine Morgan, don't worry about me" He insisted before walking to his desk, leaving Morgan standing alone. Morgan sighed and went to his own desk.

Studying the files on the murders was harder than Reid had expected. Everything he read, everything he saw, would send his mind spiraling back into a flashback of horrible memories. He shut the file folder and rubbed his eyes, he was beginning to get a migraine. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to be home either. Spencer couldn't escape the constant pain of his mind, it wouldn't let him be. He opened his bag, looking at the bottle of clear liquid. Reid contemplated for a long while if he should inject his ticket to temporary freedom. He wanted to quit, he had been doing so well battling his addiction. "I'll only do it one more time, then I'll stop" he pondered before making his final decision.

Reid got up from his desk and headed for the restroom when nobody was looking. Once inside, he checked to make sure nobody else was in there with him. The stalls were empty, this was his chance. Shutting the main door, he locked it so nobody would disturb him. Rummaging in his bag, he searched for the drugs and needle. Looking in the mirror, he wondered if he should continue or not. Voices echoed through his skull, saying, "You will feel better", "What are you waiting for" and "Do it". He shut his eyes tight and grabbed the needle, sticking it through the top of the tiny bottle, filling up the syringe. Rolling up his sleeve, he squeezed his fist tight to get a good vein to stick out. Spencer took a deep breath, inserting the needle into the purple vein. After the drug was in his system, he didn't feel all that different, he had grown a tolerance too it, he needed more. Filling up the syringe again, he pierced it through his arm one more time. He began to feel slightly dizzy, almost there. One last time he filled up the syringe and penetrated his vein one more time. There we go. The drug kicked in very quickly, the room began to sway underneath Spencer's feet. The light he saw began to dim before it flashed bright, he was finally a kid again.


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is for all the whump/hurt/comfort fans!**

Morgan came across Reid's desk, worrying when he noticed Reid wasn't there. He decided to look for Reid to make sure he wasn't just in another room. Anxiety kept increasing every minute he couldn't find him. Morgan asked the rest of the team, he looked in almost every room there was, but Reid was not there. JJ noticed Morgan's strange behavior, she walked up to him. "Everything okay Morgan?" JJ asked him, Morgan's eyes were in thought. "I don't know where Reid is" He stated, trying to sound professional under his nervous emotion. JJ looked confused, "What do you mean?" she questioned. "I've checked every room, he's not at his desk, he's been gone for at least 30 minutes, how couldn't you notice?!" Morgan rambled, anger present in his voice. JJ was slightly shocked at Morgans small outburst, she replied calmly, "I'm sure he's here somewhere" she comforted. At that moment, Morgan realized that there was one room that he didn't check. The bathroom.

The doorknob didn't turn when Morgan went to open it. Reid had locked himself inside. Before jumping to conclusions, Morgan knocked on the door. "Hey Reid, you in there?" Morgan asked, only to get no response. The dead silence that came from inside sent a shiver down Morgan's spine. He couldn't wait any longer, he raised his leg and kicked down the door with full force. It was only seconds before he saw Reid laying on the floor. "Reid!" Morgan yelled out without a second thought.

Morgan rushed over to Reid, instinctively checking his pulse. He placed two fingers on Reid's pale neck and sighed from relief when he felt a heartbeat. A very slow pulse, but it was still there. Looking down, he saw the syringe lying in Reid's hand and bottles of Dilaudid on the floor. Morgan looked away, feeling angry that Reid would do drugs again. "What's going on?" Hotch asked from the doorway. Turning around, Morgan saw JJ and Prentiss standing behind Hotch. They all had frightened looks on their faces. "Prentiss call 911" Hotch ordered in his usual monotone voice. JJ walked over to where Morgan was kneeling by Reid. "What happened?" JJ asked anxiously. Without saying a word, Morgan held up the syringe that Reid had been clutching. JJ looked down and sighed once she saw what Reid had done. Morgan lifted Reid's head carefully as it swung back limply. Resting Reid on his lap, Morgan held his friend close, feeling a lump rise in his throat. JJ seemed to be fixed on Reid's arm, she softly lifted his elbow upward to examine his forearm. "Morgan look, " she told him, Morgan looked to where JJ pointed. Morgan saw three fresh needle holes in his skin. "Damn, those were all made around the same time," Morgan said, disappointed.

Morgan drew his attention back to Reid. He shook Reid's shoulder lightly, "Reid, can you hear me?" Morgan asked nervously. Reid lay in Morgan's arms, unresponsive. Morgan lifted Reid's weak head and tapped Reid's face, repeating his name louder this time.

Reid mumbled a bit like he was trying to talk. A wave of relief came over Morgan when he heard Reid's voice, even though it was indistinct. Reid slowly began to open his eyes, leaving them halfway open. "Morgan?" Reid whispered quietly once he saw his friend looking over him. "Reid, It's gonna be okay" Morgan comforted. Just after saying that, the paramedics came to the door with a stretcher. They laid it down next to Reid's body, Morgan lifted Reid's delicate figure from the ground and placed Reid on the stretcher for the paramedics. "Thank you," one of them said, as they wheeled Reid out the door. Morgan followed behind quickly and stayed by Reid's side. A tear rolled down Reid's cheek as he looked at Morgan. "I'm sorry" he whimpered in apology. Morgan didn't know what to say. Reid closed his eyes once again and relaxed into the pillow underneath him. The stretcher was lifted into the ambulance and the doors shut behind them, Morgan catching one last glimpse of his fragile genius before the ambulance took off.


	8. Chapter 8

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="81ea2f89de622feeafb824ecb4ceb8d0"Reid awoke the in a hospital bed, he didn't remember what had happened. The first thing he felt was nausea, he let out a groan of pain. This noise alerted Morgan, who was sitting at Reid's bedside. "Hey kid, what's wrong?" Morgan asked concerned, but mainly, he was glad to see Reid awake. "I feel like I'm gonna vomit" Reid said quietly, clenching his eyes shut tight in pain. Before Morgan could alert the nurse, Reid hurled over the side of his bed instinctively, and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor. The nurse entered the room, Reid looked up quickly with embarrasement. "I'm so sorry" Reid apologized quickly. The nurse smiled slightly, "It's alright Dr. Reid, it happens all the time, we'll clean it up for you", she replied sweetly. "Thank you, I'm sorry about that" Reid said nervously and politely. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e60f14ff519280f1bb7426fbfba80c3a"Once the nurse left the room to get cleaning supplies, Morgan turned to Reid once again. "What happened?" Reid asked. Morgan felt slightly angry with Reid for doing this to himself. "Reid, you overdosed on Diluadid" He stated, Reid opened his mouth to speak but Morgan interrupted him. "How could you do this? Do you have any idea how much you scared us Reid?" Morgan almost yelled, but he tried to keep his anger under control. After all, he was more scared than angry. Reid looked down and rubbed the injection wounds on his forearm. A guilty tear streamed quickly down Reid's cheek. "I'm sorry Morgan, I didn't mean to overdose," Reid croaked out. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="16b1cec8b16c42a219ba721724ed94dd"Two nurses walked in to clean up the vomit on the ground. Morgan and Reids' conversation was briefly interrupted. Once the nurses were finished, Reid thanked them multiple times, telling them how much he appreciated their help. Immediately after the nurses left, Morgan spoke. "Why did you do this Reid?" he questioned. Another tear rolled down Reid's cheek as he didn't know how to respond to Morgan. He could tell how angry Morgan was, it was all his fault. "Reid." Morgan asked again, wanting an answer. "I couldn't stop thinking about Maeve, I just wanted to forget for a little while," Reid snivelled. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c2e2c8516a8c061579d47482446b9227""Well it was more than a little while, why did you have to take 3 shots?" Morgan asked sternly. Reid couldn't look Morgan in the face, he felt so ashamed. "After I took the first shot, I didn't feel like I wanted, I needed to go further until I escaped" Reid explained quietly. A knock came to the door frame. Morgan turned around in his chair to see Garcia standing there. "How's it going?" She asked concerned. Morgan didn't reply to her. "What, no 'baby girl' greeting for me?" She said jokingly at Morgan. /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="42817a9a4ee3f512d71a1b779f620824"Garcia went to Reid's bedside and engulfed him in a hug. "Reid you scared me so bad! Don't ever do this again do you hear me?" She told him, but there wasn't any anger in her voice like Morgan. Reid didn't say anything back, he just nodded. Reid placed his hand over his eyes in shame of what he did. He just wanted to get out of that hospital. "What's wrong Reid?" Garcia asked concerned. All Reid said was, "I'm sorry," he couldn't handle how guilty he felt. /p 


	9. Chapter 9

The car ride home from the hospital was filled with uncomfortable silence. Reid couldn't help but feel that everybody at the BAU was judging him. Looking out the window, Reid tried to ignore his insecurity. "What will I do now?" Reid thought, feeling that none of his team members would ever see him the same way again.

Morgan pulled up to Reid's apartment building. Reid opened the car door hastily, "Thanks for the ride," he mumbled, he wanted to be alone. "Wait Reid" Morgan said before Reid rushed up to his apartment. Reid closed the door again and waited for Morgan to criticize him. "You know I care about you Reid, right?" Morgan asked, trying not to get too emotional.

Without speaking, Reid nodded his head, still embarrassed. "I know that you're having a rough time, but whenever you feel overwhelmed or stressed, just come to me. I will be there for you always" Morgan promised. "Okay" Is all Reid whispered out, before getting out of the car and waving goodbye to Morgan as he drove off.

Unlocking the door, Reid walked in gloomily. He didn't know what to do or where to go at this point. "Am I going to be fired?" He thought, along with many other concerns. Sitting on the couch, Reid ran a hand through his messy hair and rested his chin in his hands. Nothing but thoughts and questions swarmed through his brain for what felt like hours.

Morgan walked back in through the doors of the BAU. "How is Reid doing?" JJ asked, "He feels really ashamed of what he did, it will take some time before he feels comfortable again" Morgan reported, at least Reid was alive.

The ringtone of Reid's phone snapped him out of his daze, he picked it up to read a text from Garcia.

 _How are you doing?_

The text read, Reid didn't respond to her, he was sick of that question. He got it on a daily basis, it made him feel like a helpless child. He wouldn't have died from the drugs he took, it wasn't even an overdose. The team always overreacted. All Reid wanted was to be left alone and for the team to stop worrying about him for once.

Wanting to take his mind off of things, Reid decided to take a walk. He needed some fresh air after being cooped up in buildings.

Reid still wanted to be alone, so he decided to take a walk in the woods, it seemed like a bad idea, but he honestly didn't care. The air felt cool upon his neck as it blew through his hair. The crunching of dry leaves underneath his feet made him feel tranquil. Smelling the autumn air, a smile graced his lips for the first time in a while. "Why didn't I do this sooner?" Reid wondered to himself, considering how good it felt to be outside in peace.

He was deep into the forest now, venturing further and further, finally feeling at peace. In the corner of his eye Reid saw something strange in the leaves. He went to investigate, his heart stopped when he saw a man laying in the grass with his throat cut, dried blood covering his neck.

Instinctively, Reid pulled out his cellphone, thankfull he brougt it along. He speed dialed Hotch.

Hotch felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. "Reid" He said as once he brought the phone to his ear. Morgan's head turned at hearing his friend's name. He wondered if everything was okay. "Hotch, I just found a body in the forest, his throat has been slit and. . ." Reid trailed off as he saw feet sticking out from behind a tree. "Reid? What is it?" Morgan asked, they were on speaker. The rest of the team began to approach. Reid found another man's body with the same wound. "I just found another body, his throat slashed as well" Reid reported.

"Reid where are you?" Hotch ordered. "Um, I'm in the forest that's half a mile left of my apartment" Reid admitted. "Stay there, we'll be over soon" Hotch instructed.

Before Reid could say bye, he felt a breath on his neck. His blood went cold as he slowly turned around. "Reid?" Hotch asked, Reid was paralyzed in fear. "Reid are you okay? Answer me," Hotch asked concerned.

Reid stood face to face with a woman with a bat raised above her head. In the blink of an eye, she slammed it down upon Reid's head. He fell unconcious to the ground, leaving the phone on.

"Reid can you hear me? Reid!" Hotch practically yelled into the phone. Something was wrong, they had no time to waste.


	10. Chapter 10

Hotch and the rest of the team raced through the forest, jackets on and guns ready. "Reid?" each of them called out every so often. There was never an answer, they were getting worried now, It was getting dark out. "Guys, I found the bodies" JJ reported, looking down at the still corpses.

"Any sign of Reid?" Hotch asked, everyone shook their heads. Something caught Morgan's eye, he bent down to pick it it up. "This is Reid's phone," Morgan said, holding it up. Rossi searched around the spot where the phone was, he was looking for drag marks. "Look here, these are drag marks" Rossi pointed out once he found them. Looking closer at the leaves, Morgan could make out blood drops. Pointing down to where they were, he told the others. "There's also a small amount of blood right here," he said.

"The unsub didn't kill Reid, there isn't enough blood" Hotch observed, making the others feel slightly better. "Okay, we need to get forensics and detectives down here, I'll call Garcia" Hotch explained. "I got it" Morgan offered, taking out his phone and dialing Garcia. "Hey baby girl", Morgan began, Garcia interrupted, "What's going on? Is Reid okay?" she questioned frantically. "We need to find out where he is," Morgan replied, "Wait, you can't find Reid?" she practically shouted.

The woman drove down the road, Reid laid tied up in the trunk of her car. "He's the perfect one" She thought while she played her fantasy of what she was going to do with him. It was dark out now, nobody would see her.

She parked her car in the garage. Opening the trunk, she admired her newest victim. He looked so peaceful and beautiful in his sleeping form. But she knew what he really was inside, just like all men were. Evil.

Reid opened his eyes slowly, confused about where he was. The room was all concrete, with stairs going up, "Am I in a basement?" He thought. He was tied to a chair, this was bringing back bad memories. "You're awake" Reid heard a woman say from behind him. She walked around so she was facing him. Her hair was dirty blond, she looked to be about in her early thirties, and she was physically fit. Reid noticed that she was holding his coat in her hand.

"Hello, Dr. Spencer Reid," She began, running her fingers through Reid's hair. Reid's stomach dropped, "H-how do you know my name?" He stuttered. He heard her reach into his coat pocket and pull out his FBI credentials, she placed it in front of his eyes. "What do you want?" Reid asked her. She seductively sat on his lap, they were facing each other. In response, she began to laugh, this made Reid very uncomfortable.

Once she was done laughing, her face went dead serious. "To show you what you really are" she fumed, slapping Reid hard across the face. Reid yelped quietly upon impact. "What do you mean, what I really am?" Reid questioned, another slap to the face was her answer.


	11. Chapter 11

Morgan paced back and forth, he couldn't get his mind off of Reid. Scary thoughts crowded his mind. "What if Reid is dead?", "How much pain is he in?" Morgan asked himself, feeling useless. Standing over the corpses, Morgan studied the bodies.

There was bruises and cuts on each of the bodies, mostly on the face. This was a sign that the unsub was abusing the victims. All the bruises were made anti-mortem. The cuts in the throat were made with the same blade, they were clean and quick. This was a sign that the murder wasn't as important to the unsub as the abuse was.

Reid tensed when he saw the woman come into the room again. She was holding a laptop in her in her hands, a smirk across her lips. An intense headache pulsed in his brain, but all he could do is sit through it. "So, since your a fed, I thought you should get some special treatment" she teased.

Setting the laptop on a stool in front of Reid, she opened it up. Reid didn't like where this was going. Sure enough, after five minutes of setting up, the screen was on video chat with Garcia's computer. The woman faced Reid again, walking up close to him, they were nose to nose. "I don't video for just anybody Spence" she whispered, Reid flinching at the nickname "Spence" that JJ called him.

Garcia saw a notification pop up on her screen, it looked like a video file. She gasped upon opening it, seeing Reid tied up to a chair. Instead of calling Hotch, Garcia ran out of her room. "You need to see this" she announced to the group.

The team crowded around Garcia's desk. "Do you think this is our unsub?" JJ asked, "Could be, even if this girl's not our unsub we need to stop her" Morgan confirmed. Hotch nodded, "Morgan's right, Garcia can you pause the video and identify who this is?" Hotch asked. "I'm waiting until she turns around so I can get a good shot" Garcia added. "Looks like they're in a basement" Rossi noted, they were looking for a house.

"What's your name?" Spencer asked the woman as kindly as possible. She laughed, "Do you seriously think I'm that stupid," she retorted. "No" was Reid's response. She moved behind the chair and knelt down, Reid felt the tightness of the rope holding him loosen. Why was she untying him? The rope was removed and tossed aside, Reid wanted to make a run for it, but he knew that would not be a good idea.

"Stand up" she said coldly, Reid did as he was told. Reid jumped slightly when her hands slammed aggressively against his shoulders. Changing her mood, she asked innocently, "Would you ever hurt me?". Reid looked her in the eyes, "Never, I-I would never hurt you", he stuttered. Her face turned angry again, "Too bad that's a lie" she fumed.

Reid received a hard punch to the face, before he could react, a knee was thrust into his stomach. As Reid grimaced in pain, she spoke again. "All men are evil, they are all abusing liars, so you're gonna know how it feels to be the victim" she said, with emotional pain obvious in her voice. "So, here's the rules. If you hit me back or try to run away, I will kill you, it's as simple as that" she explained before pushing Reid to the floor.

The team watched in horror as the woman kept beating Reid. Pulling him up from the ground just to punch him and kick him again. It lasted around twenty minutes of brutal abuse.

Reid didn't feel like he was even there anymore. He laid on the ground in a delirious state. After a while he stopped feeling the pain, he had become numb to it. Reid felt a large weight on his neck, looking up, he realized that the woman was standing on his throat, crushing his windpipe.

Reid struggled against the force on him, coughing and trying to pry her foot off of his neck. The longer she held it there, the less Reid struggled. Reid's world went blurry, the only noise he heard was ringing and the pulsing of his heart. A few struggled breaths later, and Reid gave up, letting darkness consume him.

Morgan struggled to keep his emotions in control as he watched his friend hurting and abused. After Reid had passed out, the woman sat down on the ground. She lifted Reid closer to her, then laid his weak head in her lap. Stroking his hair, she looked down at Reid. "What's she doing?" Garcia asked confused. "It's almost like she's admiring him," Rossi guessed with a confused look on his face as well.


	12. Chapter 12

Reid's head was leaned back in the chair. His eyes fluttered open as he regained is senses. He was incredibly sore, every part of his body ached with bruises and cuts. His throat felt like he swallowed nails, it was so dry and scratchy. Coughs escaped his throat as he had a mild coughing fit. He lifted his head to see the computer was plugged into the wall and was open still, a view of Garcia on the screen. She was typing away trying to find the unsub.

Reid's throat burned as he tried to speak. "G-garcia" he struggled. She continued to use her computer, not noticing him, he needed to be louder this time. Reid gathered all the strength in him, "Garcia" he groaned. Garcia turned towards the camera, she had heard him. "Reid?" She asked hopefully. "Yeah" was all Reid replied with, barely nodding his head.

"Do you know where you are?" Garcia asked. Reid shook his head, "No, but she has something against all men, I believe she was abused as a child, look up charges of abuse in the last 10-15 years" Reid responded in a raspy voice. "On it" Garcia replied as her fingers typed away.

Moments later, Garcia reported her findings, "Okay, I narrowed it down to a list of 4 females who had been abused by their fathers in the area". Reid felt hopeful, "How many of them have dirty blonde hair?" Reid asked. Effortlessly, Garcia pulled up 4 pictures, revealing only one with the matching hair color" Garcia filled with anticipation.

Garcia changed the screen from video chat to a picture of the unsub, her voice behind the photo on screen. "Is this her?" Garcia asked, "Yes" Reid choked out with excitement, he hoped the team would hurry soon. "Hang in there boy-wonder, we're coming!" Garcia announced before closing off video chat. Reid felt alone after the chat ended.

"Guys I found the unsub, her name is Hannah Eriksson and she lives 30 minutes from here, that's where he's keeping Reid" Garcia practically shouted to the team, running out of her office. The team didn't give it a second thought, "Let's go" Hotch ordered as everyone rushed out the doors and into the cars.

Hannah walked into the room once again, slowly approaching Reid. Spencer tensed up once her hand traced his shoulder seductively. He didn't dare say a word to her. She untied his hands once again, Reid prepared for the beating he would receive, it was better not to fight back, the team would save him soon.

Reid fell to the ground once Hannah pushed him down forcefully. Before he could react, Spencer felt Hannah straddle him. Grabbing hold of his cheeks, she spoke, "You better enjoy this" she ordered. She lifted Reid's shirt first, revealing his stomach. Smirking, she felt him up and down, beginning to lean down and kiss his abdomen.

A whimper escaped Reid's lips, upon hearing the noise, Hanna lifted her head angrily and gave him a slap across the face. "You like this" she demanded coldly, Reid simply nodded weakly in response.

Reid was uncomfortable enough, but things were getting more serious, he wanted the team to burst through the doors. Hearing the zipper on his pants being undone, he squirmed slightly. She stopped angrily, but continued to unbutton the pants. Reid couldn't let her molest him, without thought, Reid pushed Hannah off of him.

It took only about five seconds before anger consumed her and she came at Reid. Spencer ran to the corner of the room but she kneed him in the stomach. Grimacing in pain, Reid bent down, just to have his jaw meet with her fist. More punches were thrown at his body, mostly to his face. It was time to put a stop to this. As Reid was getting smacked around, he lifted his own fist quickly and delivered a punch to Hannah's jaw.

Hannah grabbed her jaw in shock, Reid had no time to waste. He punched her more times, trying to knock her out. Now was his time to run. Reid ran as fast as his weakened legs could run towards the stairs, he heard something click from the other side of the room. Hannah was holding a gun, without hesitation, she shot forward.

Reid felt a sharp pain pierce through the side of his abdomen.


	13. Chapter 13

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Reid held his stomach in pain, warm blood seeping through his hands, dying his blue shirt a dark shade of purple. The world was fuzzy, but Reid kept trying to move up the stairs, he would not give up. Tears started to run down his cheek as he whimpered in pain every step he took. The world started swaying beneath him as he became more and more dizzy.

Reid was suddenly startled to see the door kicked down with force. Morgan stood in the entrance with his gun raised, "Hannah Erickkson! FBI!" he shouted loudly before his gaze settled on Reid's weakening frame. "Reid you alright?" Morgan asked with concern. Reid tried to choke out an ironic, "I'm fine", but his response was a grunt in pain.

Morgan rushed to Reid's side quickly upon seeing the large pool of crimson blood growing on his shirt, covering his hand, and trailed up the staircase. "I need a medic" Morgan barked sternly into his earpiece. The rest of the team retreated down the stairs with their guns raised.

Reid could barely comprehend what was going on, his body felt numb and cold, weakness coming over him faster and faster. "Reid, stay with me, stay awake" Morgan begged while holding Reid's limp head up. Reid's eyes felt as if they were holding up bricks, black dots were swimming around his blurry vision, he began to welcome the darkness.

Morgan watched as Reid's eyes rolled back and his eyes fluttered rapidly before closing. The boy's body becoming more limp in his arms. "Reid! Open your eyes pretty boy" Morgan cried and shook Reid's shoulder slightly. "Where's the medic dammit!" He yelled. Hannah Erickkson came back up the stairs in handcuffs, Hotch escorting her, Rossi and JJ following behind.

JJ kneeled down next to Morgan, "What happened?" She asked nervously. Before Morgan could answer, the medics came in with a stretcher. Reid's eyes fluttered once again as he opened them. A hint of relief washed over Morgan and JJ, but they needed to know he was going to be okay.

The last thing Reid felt was his body being lifted before his world was succumbed by darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

Derek Morgan sat impatiently in the hospital waiting room with the rest of his team. Series of questions ran through his mind on what he should have done. "This is all my fault," Morgan thought.

"If only I would have stayed with him, I should have known something could happen".

His eyes started to dampen with hot tears that threatened to fall. The thought of losing Reid was too much for Derek to handle. Abruptly, Morgan stood up and headed towards the bathroom hastily, leaving sympathetic expressions on every team members face.

Once Morgan entered the bathroom he punched the wall in anger of himself. He couldn't believe how blind he was to Reid's emotions. Spencer was obviously in a lot of pain from losing Maeve. "I should have been there for him more, then this wouldn't have happened" he thought while the tears failed to stay in his eyes.

"Oh great, now I'm crying" Derek noticed, trying to control his emotions. But a person can only contain their feelings for so long.

The sound of the door opening shook Morgan from his thoughts as he rushed to the sink, pretending to wash his hands. He didn't realize that it was Hotch who walked into the bathroom. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two.

"Are you okay?" Hotch asked in his usual stern voice.

Trying his best to conceal his sniffling, Derek replied with "Yeah", it was all he could say without his voice breaking into a meltdown. Footsteps from Hotch came towards him. Morgan felt a hand touch his back.

"This isn't your fault, I hope you know that" Hotch said, trying his best to sound comforting, but it still sounded like his usual, demanding tone.

All Morgan did was nod, hoping that Hotch didn't see the stain of a tear on his cheek.

"Hotch, I'm fine, I just want Reid to be okay" Morgan stated as brave as he could before walking out the door, leaving Hotch behind.

When Derek returned to the waiting room, Garcia was there now. She jumped up and gave Morgan a hug upon seeing him. Morgan let out a small smile, "Hey baby girl" he said softly.

Garcia seemed to know exactly what Morgan had been feeling because immediately she said, "Reid's gonna be just fine, don't worry". Oh how he loved Garcia's positivity.

A doctor came out holding a clipboard, "You're here to see Spencer Reid, correct?" she asked.

"Yes, is he okay?" JJ asked, standing up. The other team members standing up as well.

The doctor smiled, "Yes he will be fine, the bullet wound didn't puncture any major organs. However he did lose a lot of blood. But we were able to replace it with a transfusion. He is coming out of his surgery. You can visit him now if you would like" she said and headed towards Reid's room, the team following close behind.

Reid lay peacefully in the hospital bed, he looked pale but still in good condition, well, considering he was just shot. Every minute that passed by where Reid laid there sleeping felt like an eternity. Everyone wanted to see their boy genius awake to reassure them that he was going to be fine.

Morgan pulled up a seat next to the bedside and held Reid's hand in his. "I'm sorry" he whispered, barely audible.

Garcia saying, "Look!" brought Morgan to see Reid furrow his eyebrow.

Reid stirred before his weak eyes slowly opened. Then Reid got a confused look in his eyes, something that the team didn't see often. It was so strange seeing their young genius so confused and disoriented.

Garcia placed her hand on Reid's cheek. "It's okay Reid, your gonna be fine" she said sweetly.

Reid placed his hand back on the pillow and asked the obvious question, "Why am I in the hospital?" he said with a slight lick of his lips.

"You were shot" Prentiss answered.

Reid's eyes shifted up in thought as he recalled the events that led to his injury. "Oh, it's coming back to me now" Reid said. A relieved sigh came from the team members. They didn't want Reid to struggle with memory, it was what made him such a genius.

Reid's lip began to quiver and a tear streamed from Reid's eye, shocking the team.

"Oh Reid, what's wrong?" Garcia asked, looking close to tears herself.

"Maeve" Reid whimpered, he went on, "She was never alive, was she?" Reid came to the realization of his past thoughts that Maeve was alive still.

"Reid, look at me" Morgan said, holding on to Reid's hand. "What happened to Maeve was not your fault, I want you to know that. But I should have been there for you when you were struggling. And that _is_ my fault, I'm sorry man" Morgan admitted, this comforted Reid a little.

"Thank you" Reid whispered out before he was embraced in a hug from Morgan. The whole team joined in after him. What would they have done if they had lost their wonderful boy genius?


End file.
